Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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