We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
