Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
