The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
