just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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