Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
nutella sex= disaster
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
