Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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