I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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