just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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