Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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