i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize