TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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