It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
