I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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