two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
