He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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