hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
