I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
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