Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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