i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
