wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
