at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
