Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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