please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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