Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She told me I should be a condom model.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
