help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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