I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
