Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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