He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
