its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
