You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
