Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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