he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
