"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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