Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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