it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Randomize
