Sponge bath it is.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
