I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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