i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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