You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
