my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
