How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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