I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
