I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
