my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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