I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize