Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
