No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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