Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
