i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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