I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
