Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
