but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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