no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My bed smells like the plague
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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