If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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