I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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