he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
