Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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