You made me cry and you don't even care
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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