I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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