I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
