So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
