it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
