I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
