wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
