I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize