omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
