Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
