He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
