No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
