It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize